“Don’t!”

“NO!” Ezra awoke with a start. He was tangled in the bedclothes, his naked chest shimmering with a thin layer of perspiration. The door of his hot and stuffy room exploded inward as Buck Wilmington charged in with his revolver drawn. For a split second he and Ezra stared at each other wide-eyed over the top of their weapons and then both lowered them.

“Buck,” Ezra acknowledged in a breathy release. Standish swallowed and returned his spare gun to its place under his pillow. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed his eyes. The images of his nightmare lingered as did the powerful feelings it had evoked.

The mob’s assessment of Vin Tanner was Ezra’s own. He had respected Vin for who he was. Never once had Vin complained about the bounty or shown any fear. He had been one of the most amazing men Ezra had ever had the privilege of knowing… or calling friend… and now he was gone and Ezra didn’t have the faintest idea how he should be reacting.

As Buck waited for Ezra to collect himself, he studied the dishevelled man. Wilmington had never seen the gambler in such a mess. Standish rose to his feet and ran his manicured hands through his tussled hair.

“Nightmare?” Buck prompted, quietly.

“Yes. That is exactly what this is,” Ezra whispered. He realized Buck was waiting for something… an explanation maybe? “I do not appreciate having my slumber invaded by such dreams.“ He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but had simply come to his room to avoid contact with others so he could sort out what was going on in his head. However, the heat of the afternoon and his emotional and physical fatigue had been too powerful.

Buck scrutinized the other man. Ezra lowered his voice. “Vin knew what he was doing.”

Wilmington nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I think he did.”

Ezra had found his dream far too vivid for comfort. For some reason, he needed to verbalize his thoughts. “He left because he feared that…”

“We don’t know why he left, Ezra,” Buck cut him off. He knew Standish blamed Chris and while Buck accepted that Larabee needed to shoulder half of the blame, Vin was a grown man who had made the other half of the decision.

Ezra felt his anger beginning to rise. His thoughts and emotions were coloured by his dream, providing him with a false sense of knowledge. Vin‘s reason for leaving and exactly how his friend had been feeling were right at Ezra’s finger tips. “I don’t think you understand what it must have been like for him when Chris…”

“I know exactly what it’s like, Ezra,” Buck snapped, his own simmering rage finding voice. “I’ve seen Chris at his worst. I’ve been on the end of his wrath and had him push me out of his life. And yeah, it hurts. Hurts like hell's furnace. And I rode away too.”

Ezra thrust his finger into Buck’s chest with force. “You didn’t have a bounty on your head that…” Standish stopped, suddenly aware of what he was doing. He swallowed and shook his head in an effort to force the false imaginings away. He was basing his anger on a nightmare that may have no similarity to reality and he was taking out his hurt and helplessness on a friend who had rushed into his room to help. “I… Buck…”

Wilmington removed Ezra’s finger, stepped forward and placed his hand on his floundering friend’s shoulder. “Yep,” he acknowledged, quietly. “I can’t get it all out of my head either.”

“Still no word?”

“There may not be any, Ezra. We need to accept that.”

Standish frowned, pulled on a shirt and moved to the dresser to straighten himself up. “I’m not sure I can.”

“Meaning?” Buck pressed.

Standish paused and looked into the mirror at Wilmington’s reflection. “I don’t know.” Ezra had never felt like this. In the past, his nightmares had concerned losing the ultimate game of poker. His past pain had only ever been physical… apart from disappointment in his mother’s actions. This, however, was completely different. His very soul was throbbing.

“It’s called grief,” Buck whispered. “There ain’t nothing else like it. You got to let it out or it twists up inside you like a poison.” Ezra was taking this a lot worse than Buck had thought. Then again, he had some sense of the fact that Ezra had had few friends in his life whom he could really trust. Losing one was always incredibly painful.

Ezra dragged his eyes from Buck and tried to focus on his hair as he smoothed one particularly stubborn strand that refused to go the same way as the rest. “I assure you, that…” Ezra was lost. Words were refusing to come as his thoughts swirled in a vacuum. He exhaled in a gush.

Again, Buck’s hand griped his shoulder.

A lump the size of a fist formed in Ezra’s throat. “He didn’t deserve this, Buck. He was innocent and…” His voice faltered and stopped. Ezra dropped his head. There weren’t tears, but the emotion was real and almost suffocating. He felt like he was drowning.

Buck squeezed the shoulder he held. “He chose his path, Ez. Whether we like it or not, Vin made a decision and we both know that when that boy got something in his head, no one would have changed it.”

Ezra nodded. For several more seconds he stood, drawing strength from Buck who didn‘t move and said no more. He was simply there. Finally, Standish turned and his eyes flashed sincere gratitude.

Buck grinned. “I guess this is what they call bonding.”

Ezra Standish laughed. It was a good, deep belly laugh that allowed him to release some of the emotions that had been crippling him. “I think not. If I am to bond with anyone it will be with a gentleman of impeccable taste who understands the importance of regular bathing.”

Buck shoved him playfully and headed for the door. “Come on. Chris has just ridden back into town. We better go and keep an eye on him.”

**********

Chris scanned his sparse room. He had never kept many possessions here. Anything important he had left at his ’hovel’. The thought caused his heart to ache. Vin had insisted on calling it that. Every time he had said it, he’d had a smirk on his face... and every time Chris had threatened to kill him. The exchange, like so many others between them, had been so easy. Larabee missed that. While he and Vin had only spent a few hours a day in each other's company, it had been important to both.

With one final sweep of the room, Chris exited and headed for the street. Stepping outside, he frowned.

The stage was entering town in a blast of choking dust. People came outside curiously to investigate. Surprisingly, the coach was being escorted by Nathan, Josiah and J.D. who had only left to look for Vin a few hours earlier.

The gunfighter watched as Judge Travis, the only occupant, stepped down. Travis signalled to the returning trio who nodded. “Meet me in the sheriff’s office in ten minutes.”

Buck and Ezra strode across to the elderly man and they exchanged handshakes. “Judge. There a problem?”

“No, I just need your help. I need you to deliver a signed statement.”

“Such a task requires all of us?” Ezra asked.

The judge nodded. “I’m afraid so.” The elderly man’s eyes flicked to Chris who was standing in the doorway of the boarding house. Larabee bobbed his head in greeting and then he moved off in the opposite direction.

Travis returned his attention to the two peacekeepers in front of him. “Something I should know?”

“Vin’s gone," Buck explained. Those two words still felt so wrong. "He rode out a week and a half ago after he and Chris had a fight.”

“Oh?” Travis looked as stunned as the boys had been. “One of you want to fill me in?” The Judge asked, quietly.

“We don’t know a lot ourselves,” Josiah explained as he, Nathan and J.D. joined the group. “Just that he and Vin came to blows and Vin rode out.”

“Blows?“ the judged echoed. “Over what?“

Buck shrugged.

“It is a mystery to us all,” Ezra murmured.

“Nathan, Josiah and I were just heading off to look for him.” The trio had met the Judge just outside of Eagle Bend and after being informed that he needed their help, they had decided to return. Or, at least, Nathan and Josiah had decided to return and J.D. had found he didn’t have a choice.

“Give me ten minutes to drop my things at Mary’s and I’ll fill you in on everything. Do you think Chris will ride with you?” Travis asked, watching Larabee disappear in the rifle smith’s shop.

“I don’t know,” Buck murmured. “I hope so.”

“Someone better ask him,” J.D. prompted.

Wilmington sighed and headed off in the direction his friend had disappeared, though he didn’t hold much hope.

***********

Larabee glanced across at Buck as he entered the small shop.

“The Judge needs our help. Wants us to collect in the sheriff’s office.”

Chris’ head bobbed and then he turned back to the smith. “How long?”

“An hour, maybe.”

“Thanks.”

Buck waited for his friend, his mind churning. Did the nod mean that Chris was going to join them, or just that he was going meet the judge in the office?

**********

The boys tried to make polite conversation while waiting for Travis. The atmosphere was uncomfortable to say the least. No one really knew what to say, or even if they should try to initiate conversation with their silent companion. Larabee, while apparently calm, appeared very distant. There were lines of fatigue around his green eyes, evidence of the emotional drain this had been and of the fact that his slumber had been interrupted over the past week.

Chris leant against the window frame and stared out into the street. His thoughts were on Vin. The strange ‘knowing’ had passed as had the overwhelming sense of urgency. Larabee wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. Perhaps whatever danger Vin had been in had passed. He decided to focus on that, for the other possibility - that Vin was now beyond help - was not something he was prepared to consider.

“Thanks, boys,” the Judge greeted, walking in and taking a seat at the desk.

“I need to say something before you start,” Chris interrupted in a low voice as he rose off the wall and turned to face the group. “I’m moving on.”

All of the other men in the room responded with a mixture of horror and surprise. They hadn't expected that.

“What? But why?” J.D. gasped.

“I see,” the judge commented, flicking his eyes to the others and then back to Chris. Buck’s face became severe. Just like that, Chris was going to walk out of his life.

Larabee was well aware of his audience, but they had a right to know. He owed them at least that. “I have to find Vin.”

Wilmington's eyes darted to Ezra. Standish opened his mouth, but shut it again as he became aware of the subtle signals from Buck.

“I understand,” Travis replied. “However, I could really use your help on this one. I need to get a signed statement to my counterpart in the next region. It could save an innocent man from hanging.

Larabee‘s brow furrowed. Vin was an innocent man who could hang unless something was done. “Judge…”

“He’s a Mexican and Winton is a long way from home for him. This statement may be his only hope.”

Chris turned to the window and stared into the busy street. Walking out on his friends when they needed him didn‘t feel right, but he needed to find Vin. The urgency may have passed, but Chris had realized that he wasn’t prepared to lose Tanner‘s friendship. If he had to fight Vin for it, then he would do that. “Winton‘s west, isn’t‘ it?”

Travis nodded. “About five days' ride.”

West was where Chris was heading. Vin wouldn’t have gone north… north had been his plan after he had cleared his name. Vin had wanted to see a city. He had never intended staying but he’d wanted to see one after all that Ezra had told him. Now, north would be out of the question - too many people increasing the chance he may be recognized. East was also out of the question because that would take him to Texas where the wanted posters were prolific. Vin had already been south, so west had to be the direction he had headed. Further west the towns were small and lawless and there were very few people.

Larabee drew in a deep breath. He still didn’t know how he’d let everything get so screwed up. He knew now that he should have done something the night of the fight but… well, it was too late to be thinking about that. Chris had to find Vin. There was so much he needed to say to his best friend - ‘sorry’ would only be the first of many words.

Turning, Larabee nodded. He could ride with the boys as far as Winton and then continue on from there. “Alright.” There was an audible sigh of relief from J.D.

Larabee glanced over at the youth and a half smile presented. He would miss J.D. and his infernal enthusiasm. Larabee ran his eyes around all of the boys. Josiah, Nathan and J.D. were all looking relieved, Ezra appeared concerned and Buck looked shell-shocked. Chris felt responsible for this mess. It was up to him to put things right... with all of them.

Turning to the Judge, Chris stated, “I’d like to leave within the hour.”

Travis shook his head. “Won’t be able to until tomorrow. The man who is going to sign the statement in front of me is meeting me here in the morning. Then I need you to carry it to Winton. There are a number of people who want to see the Mexican hang. He's the head of a large clan who have settled in the area.”

“And they aren’t wanted?” Nathan guessed. This was an all too familiar scenario.

“You got it. Tensions are high in the town. If Mendez hangs, it could spark riots. A lot of people could be injured.”

“Sounds like a lot of people will be injured regardless of the verdict.”

Travis nodded. “You could be right.”

“You want us to stay on for the trial?” Josiah asked.

“There won’t be any need. My counterpart has arranged for the army to be riding through at the time of the trial.”

Nathan grinned. “Smart move.”

“So why does it need all of us?” Ezra asked.

“It probably doesn‘t. No one knows about the statement, but I’m not willing to take any chances. We are talking about a man’s life.”

“Alright. We set out tomorrow morning,” Chris confirmed before striding out of the office. All of the men exchanged glances.

“He’s going after Vin,” J.D. stated, a smile lighting up his young face. “I knew he would.”

Buck and Ezra exchanged a desperate glance. With a brief excuse, the pair left together, crossing the street with fast paced strides before disappearing into the tavern.

Josiah, J.D. and Nathan stepped out on to street outside the jail. “They’re up to something,” J.D. commented.

Sanchez nodded. “Yep.”

“What do you think it is?” Dunne asked.

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, it’s got both of them worried.”

**********

“We have to tell him,” Ezra insisted, closing the door of his room behind Buck.

“We can’t.”

Ezra eyed Buck like he was from outer space. “Chris is going looking for Vin, you did hear him say that, didn't you?” The gambler's voice rose as he tried to make his point. “He’s going to head west. We can’t just let him…”

“We have to,” Buck argued, crossing to the window to see if he could spot the topic of conversation. “Ezra, he can’t ever know. He can’t. It’ll kill him.”

Ezra shook his head. “I’m sorry, Buck. I can’t be a part of this.”

Wilmington turned from the window. “Ezra…”

“How long are you going to let him wander around looking for Vin? A week? A month? A year?”

“For as long as it takes him to move on.”

“MOVE ON!” Ezra exploded, his arms flying up in exasperation.

“Lower your voice,” Buck growled.

“Buck, Chris isn’t going to ‘move on‘. I do not profess to know him as well as you, but I do know that he and Vin had a bond the likes of which I’ve never seen." For a moment, Ezra paused. He had thought he knew how to read all people until he had met these two men. Their friendship was closer to kinship and yet they'd known each other for such a short time. Ezra knew it was unique and there was no way either would simply walk away. "That is the reason he is going after Vin and that is the reason…”

“Enough!” Buck shouted, balling his hands into fists. “If I could bring Vin back, I would. But I can’t, Ezra. If Chris ever finds out that Vin rode back to Tascosa to…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. It choked in his throat and refused to come out.

“To die,” Ezra snarled, bluntly.

“Yeah, to die. Happy now?” Both were panting, their tempers causing adrenalin to surge around their guilt ridden systems. There were several feet between them, but the chasm that had formed appeared insurmountable.

“Happy? I am the one who wants to spare Chris a life of useless searching and hopeless false hopes and you…”

“Want to give him a chance to live,” Buck whispered. He didn’t know how to make Ezra understand. What he did know was that the effect Vin and Chris had had on each other during their shared weeks in Four Corners had been nothing short of incredible. Vin, who found it difficult to trust… and with good reason… had been learning to trust more easily, while Chris had not only unlocked the doors of his heart which had been secured since the death of his family, but had been opening them so that others could once again touch his life.

Larabee was actually laughing again. Laughter had not been something that had touched Chris‘ lips since the tragedy. He was no longer simply existing either. He had a purpose which was more important than his need for revenge. Chris was even willing to participate in conversations, practical jokes and in life in general. This was the Chris Buck remembered. An outgoing man who had a healthy love for life. With each week, Buck had seen more and more of the friend he had feared he had lost forever, reappear… thanks largely to a quiet man in a buckskin coat.

Vin had started Chris on the return trip from the pits of hell where he had been dwelling, but Buck and the others were all playing an important part. While it was Larabee‘s friendship with Tanner which had provided an opening for Buck and Chris to renew their own closeness, Wilmington knew their relationship was growing independent of that now. They were close again and Buck wasn’t prepared to let that slip away a second time without a real fight.

If Chris was to find out that his actions were responsible for Vin hanging, then Larabee would withdraw and Buck would never find him again. Chris would shrivel and die, nothing was surer.

“I know what will happen if we tell him, Ezra. You have to trust me. Please.”

Ezra sucked in a lung full of warm air, turned from Buck and began to pace, muttering under his breath.

Wilmington watched him for several seconds. “Ezra…”

“Alright,” Standish cut him off as he stopped and faced his friend. “However, if he asks me, I will not tell an untruth.”

Buck nodded. “I owe you, Ezra.”

“This trip isn’t going to be easy.”

“I know.”

“I take it that you will join him in his search once we have completed our duty for the judge?”

Wilmington nodded. “Yeah.”

Ezra sank down onto the edge of his bed. “The others will want to as well.”

“Probably,” Buck agreed.

“Which just leaves me.” Standish dropped his gaze to the floor. “I do not know how long I will be able to sustain this deception.”

Buck sat down beside his stricken companion. “If Vin had wanted Chris to know where he’d gone, he’d have left the note in Chris’ room. He left with you. He must have done that for a reason, Ezra.”

Standish raised his distressed face. “What do you mean?”

“He didn’t want Chris to know. Basically, it was his last request.”

“You expect me to accept that?” Ezra demanded.

“Think about it, Ezra. He asked you to say goodbye to the rest of us, but he crossed out the part about telling Chris.”

Ezra considered Buck’s point. “You may be right,” he conceded.

Buck patted his friend’s shoulder and rose to his feet. “Vin knew Chris well. No matter what happened between them, Vin wouldn’t have wanted Chris to carry the burden of this.“ Of the fact that Chris was responsible. “So, Vin trusted you with it.”

“Why?” Ezra demanded.

“Because he felt he could.” With that, Buck headed out of the room.

“Vin,” Ezra murmured, emotionally. He picked up the lamp from his side table and threw it at the mirror, shattering it.

Standish started at his own splintered reflection in the shards that remained. He had never asked Vin to have that sort of faith in him. Now, he had no choice but to live up to his friend’s expectations.