Long message. Hope you are sitting down. (bg)
As many of you know, in 2003 I was viciously flamed and when I made the mistake of responding to the message, my flamer had her friends send threats and profanity. It was a dreadful experience and I left the fandom for some time. My flamer’s attack stole not only my confidence (the message was something to behold), but the joy I found in writing. I know it is stupid. I know allowing these peopleto get to me is silly, but that does not make it any easier to deal with, particularly as the flames have continued. I know my writing isn’t brilliant. Unfortunately talent and enthusiasm don’t always go hand in hand, but I love writing about the boys and I’m not allowing these faceless cowards to stop me.
When I returned to Mag 7 in July 2004, I started a group of my own called “Vin Fanfic and Discussion Group”. This group provides a safe haven for writers. The girls on list don’t seem to mind that I’m not an accomplished writer. They read my attempts and send support. They share their writing and I send them support. It is simple and fun. I feel very safe posting my stories there and with the support of this wonderful group of ladies, my confidence is growing and my love of Mag 7 is stronger than ever.
I have intermittently posted stories to my site since July 2004 but, as I said, the flames have continued. Yes, I know it is likely to be the same person/people using various emails addresses, but I’ve had enough. Second guessing what I write, shaking when I open a piece of feedback – it isn’t worth it. So I stopped posting my stories on my site. So, I have not been posting my stories on my site in an effort to avoid these people who have nothing better to do than be nasty. I could see no other solution. During 2007 I received friendly requests, demands and even abuse relating to this.
The tone and theme of the demands and abuse was the same - I have no right to choose where I post my stories. I find it fascinating that it is acceptable for a writer to post her work exclusively in Zines which readers must pay for, yet, for some reason some people deem it unacceptable for an author to choose to post exclusively on one list. I’m afraid I don’t understand this. The Vin F & D list is not closed. Anyone can join it.
I have since discovered my webpage provider allows me to password protect selected pages. An idea was birthed – if I place a password on my new writing, I could keep flamers out and share with those who always sent support when I posted a story.
So, I made the very difficult decision to post my stories beyond the safety of the Vin F & D list, but with restricted access for all of the reaons stated above. Thank you, Teri for your wonderful support.
This is a huge step for me and I’m still not sure I’m doing the right thing. I know I will receive criticism for this decision if the messages I have been receiving are anything to go by.
“all you are doing is creating an elite group” (Reference to the list I have been posting my stories on. Don’t understand what this person means.)
“you have no right to withhold stories” (okay, I laughed at this one.)
“you don’t own the stories you write because they are fanfiction so I don’t see what the problem is. Just post them so everyone can read them” (interesting philosophy.)
“Will you fix the links. All they do is go to some silly Yahoo group. This is the second time I’ve told you.” (Just rude)
“Links don’t work. Can’t access anything” (And…?)
Yes, these are direct quotes from messages I have received. The interesting thing about all of these is they are from people I don’t know and have never heard from previously. Not one of them said ‘hi’ or used my name and only two signed their name. Needless to say, I have not responded. There are some very strange people out there. (g) I am a living breathing person… not a computer. I do this as a hobby to meet people and share my passion… not to provide a service for rude people.
If you are a friend who would like to read the stories I have written since the end of 2006, email me nominating a password of six characters (nothing connected to the show or it would be too easy for someone to hack into (g). It could take a week or so for me to activate it... yep real person on this end. (G) I ask only two things…
# that you respect my right to choose who I share my stories with
# and that you take a few moments to let me know what you think of a story. Silence is the worst flame in the world. Don’t bother with flames… I’ll simply deactivate you. (bg)
(a) If you share your password with anyone else and I find out, I will immediately deactivate it.
(b) If I don’t know you, I won’t activate your password. Sorry.
(c) If you have never contacted me before and want to read my stories, drop me a note so I can meet you and we can take it from there.
(d) I will be adding stories about once every one to two months. I will email you to let you know new stories have been uploaded. If I don't hear from you between Story Updates I will assume you no longer wish to receive them and will remove you from the email list and deactivate your password. By doing this regularly I will be able to stay on top of things. If I let it get away from me, I'll never be able to cope. (g)
All of this may seem silly or an over-reaction, but I’ve been living with this harassment for four long years and it has taken its toll. More than once I have been close to just pulling down my site and leaving.
Thank you to the girls on the Vin F & D Group without whose support I would have stopped writing three and a half years ago.
Special thanks to Teri for giving me the confidence to do this. Teri, I can't begin to tell you what your freindship and support means to me.
